Here I am, it's my last Friday night in L.A before I go back to Sweden. And what do I do? I'm sitting alone in the apt, Charlie and Linnea ar at Maria Montazamie's house working. A little jealous. =(. I got invited to a party in L.A with my friend Emre, I wanted to go but I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow cuz we're going to Santa Barbara. And besides I just became so tired! I don't know where it came from. I just fell aslepp right here on the livingroom floor! I guess it's the combination of to little food, working out, soaking up the sun and maybe some other stuff. Oh well. My question is and this isn't just about tonight, this Friday but Fridays in general when you really have no plans and are facing a night in front of the computer or TV. Why does that create such anxiety feelings inside? Like you feel guilty about not doing anything? That's how I feel at times. Like tonight, even if I had something to do. Ok, I feel a little better now that I know that I could do something, and I actually feel really tired and weak and I don't think my body would be up for a night of drinking and dancing. But I have felt at times in Sweden and even here when there's nothing in the calender either on the Friday night or the Saturday nights that I feel so anxious and restless because I'm not doing anything, and by doing something I mean like, going out, party, movie or anything. Why can't I just enjoy a quite night home by myself?
This is as I mentioned my last Friday night here in Cali before I go back to little Sweden, on Wednesday to be exact. I'm both excited but also a little bit scared. I'm looking forward to seeing all of my friends again, but I'm afraid that I've changed and that things might not be like they were when I left. Oh, I make it sound like I've been gone for years, when it's only 5 months. But still. I do feel that I've changed, a little. I think I've matured some and realised a few things about myself and my life. And I hope that I'll know what to do when I come back. I hope that the summer in Sweden will help me make the right decision about going back here in the fall or statying. It's leaning towards going back, a lot. We have a place to stay and I've picked out my classes. But there's still a little bit of doubt in my mind and soul. Hopefully I'll know what to do when I'm home.
I am a bit dissapointed, about what you might wonder? Well what I can say is that I'm dissapointed about when you feel that you constantly fall for the wrong ppl or just keep attaching yourself to stuff or ppl that you know you might not see that much of in the future. I am that kind of person that does this all the time. And I hate it. Because the feelings it creates inside are hard to handle sometimes. Oh well, I guess it's just a part of life and me as everything else.
If I should sum up this semester a little bit I would have to say that's it's been a very good and strange semester. I've had so much fun but also felt a little bit more down than I thought I would. Maybe I'm just at a big crossroad in my life and I have to decide where I'm heading. And my picture of America, Americans and Hollywood in general crashed a little bit when getting to know some of the ppl here, and how different they can be and how stupied some of them can be. And how hard it can be to find true friends. But also, this has given me wonderful inspiration sources in form of my 4 teachers. And not to forget, the ppl who made this semester worth the wile. Without them I wouldn't have felt so good and had so much fun, felt safe and secure. Linnea you are the sweetest and funniest girl I've known in a long time!! If I hadn't met you, well let's just say this experince wouldn't have been the same at all! I have found a new best friend! And Charlie, we didn't hang out that much in the beginning, but when we got to know eachother later in the semester I got to know a true and wonderful girl! I'm so glad that I got to know you. And how we encouarage each other in your careers! We're gonna have an awesome time next semester!! =)
So, now I think I'm gonna try to enjoy this home alone Friday evening in Newport Beach, California with a few episodes of The Mentalist. And yes, I'll survive this night just like all the others. And then the girls will come home sometime tonight and tell me all about their evening at Maria Montazami's. =)
I'll be home in Sweden in less than a week! That's a little sick, just how fast the time really have passed! =) Just wanted to add that.
The 5 * of this semester:
Getting to know these wonderful girls =)
Julia coming to visit =)
The best class and teachers ever =)
Sofie coming to visit =)
All of the parties =) (And then the weather and beaches of course!)
Nu får det fanimej vara nog!
7 år sedan